Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
