just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
