shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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