He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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