FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
