i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
