That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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