You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
