I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
