She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
