What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
