Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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