i don't like sucking hair
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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