nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
