Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
