i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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