drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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