I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
time to smoke my breakfast
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
