you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
