she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I AM VODKA MAN
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
