you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
