I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
