I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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