I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
