So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
