I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
