it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
