hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
