new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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