I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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