my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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