whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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