I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
