I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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