I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
