We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
