:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
