You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
