I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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