She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
