LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
