take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
