Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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