He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
