you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
