I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
