i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
