he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
