If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The struggles of a small town man whore
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
