the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
