Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
