Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Couch. On fire.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
