i think my tv is drunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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