Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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