you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
