I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
