he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
