So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
