I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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