I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
