When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
