Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
