Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I faked an abortion last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
