SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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