Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
