I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
